Just Keep Them Busy

Last weekend my son Bill took Sherry to Des Moines to see the big city and left the grandkids with me and Margaret. It didn't take long to see that I'd need a whole bag of tricks to keep them out of mischief or I'd go crazy. So I set them at a card table with a pile of paper and pencils and said let her rip. Here's what they came up with before dinner.

Mildred Next Door

Tina MacIntyre

Old Mildred must be at least two hundred years old. Mom said she was old when she and Dad got married and that was centuries ago. Grandma said Mildred was middle-aged when she was a girl and that was a millennium ago. Holy Moley, I bet Mildred was a teenager when John F. Kennedy was President!

Old Mildred has had three or four husbands. Neighbors say she's outlived them all and I believe them. They say the present one is on his last leg. I don't know why they say that because he seems to have two every time he goes out for the mail.

When Uncle Ben got back from overseas he said one 4th of July celebration Old Mildred was dressed in red, white, and blue and he swore she looked like Betsy Ross trying on her new flag.

Sally next door said her father claims Old Mildred should be on Mt. Rushmore 'cause she's as old as the mountain any day.

Aunt Penny says Mildred was alive before butter cost a dollar a pound and toys were so solid they called them pre-war. I can hardly believe this, but Penny also said Old Mildred was alive before TV was invented. Nowthat'sancient!

Old Mildred sits on the front porch in the summer fanning herself. She waves hello to nearly everyone who passes. Says she knows them all by name and most of their fathers, mothers, and even grandparents. When she waves and speaks she doesn't seem so old. Always has a smile on her face and a voice as young as any hog caller.

When I was in the First Grade I thought being old was dumb. I never wanted to live as long as Mildred next door. But now that I'm in Grade Three I don't know. If I were older than the Pyramids and the mummies they dug up and still looked and sounded as young as the woman next door, maybe being that old wouldn't be so bad.

I thought that was pretty good, but she does take after her mother who's a school teacher so you'd expect as much. Then I looked at her brother's story.

That's My Dad, Superman

Tommy MacIntyre

I'm amazed at my dad. He's so strong he can open jars when the lids are welded on. He can lift a bale of hay that's bigger than me with one arm. He can even jack up the pickup truck with a iddy biddy handle.

Mom said when they moved Dad carried the fridge in on a couple little wheels. Boy, I hope I'm that strong when I grow up.

Once Mom wanted the TV room rearranged so Dad picked up the end of the couch and swirled it around like it was a feather. Then he whipped off six soda bottle caps easier than I can remove the toothpaste top. Wow, but he's strong!

What really amazes me is when Dad lifts a whole tree. He puts it on the top of the car every Christmas and even hauls it into the house. I thought only Paul Bunyon could do that.

When I grow up I hope I'm as strong as Dad. Then I'll be able to carry my wife over the threshold like he did Mom in the picture. Maybe I should start lifting weights just to be sure.

I mean to tell you kids these days are smart as whips. Why, I can't write that good and I'm in my seventh decade. Anyway, at first the little ones didn't think they could sit long enough to write one sentence. Now that they'd each written a story, I didn't need to nail them in their chairs at all. Here's the next stories they did.

Way Up There

Tina MacIntyre

Why is everything taller than me?

I have to use a stool to go to the bathroom the toilet's so high. I need a step ladder to brush my teeth and turn off the facet. And forget climbing

into Uncle Ben's pickup truck without a rocket to boost me!

Why is everything bigger than me?

Even Bruno our dog stands above me like an elephant in high heels. When I put my brother's belt on it goes around twice. I tried my dad's suspenders and my feet barely touched the snaps. I don't know why everything's so big and tall. You'd think they'd never been young themselves.

When I go to the movie the ticket-selling lady has to look over the counter to be sure she didn't miss one. The ice-cream man thinks my brother's giving a cone to the dog. And the ticket taker is amazed I can walk under the rope without touching my head.

Tommy says I'll never get big like him or Dad. He said that when Uncle Ben smoked a cigar in the car when I was two it stunted my growth and I'll be short forever. Dad was in the car and it didn't stunt him and he's at least as tall as a tree.

Maybe someday I'll be bigger. I don't know. But if I am, I can't imagine who would be shorter. I guess she isn't even born yet.

Now isn't that something? Who said all kids can do these days is watch TV and sass their parents? Why, just give them a pencil and paper and look what they can do. Here's one by the boy who almost missed dinner he got so interested in writing.

Smart Is Smart

Tommy MacIntyre

I don't know how people get so smart. I'm in the fourth grade and know lots of stuff like multiplication and division and even some fractions. I also know where China is and I've been able to count to the highest number possible since I was five (it's One, Two, Three, Infinity). But even then it's nothing like Grandpa. He's so smart he can figure outeverything.

Once his sink got clogged and he knew just what to do so the kitchen floor didn't turn into a swimming pool like when Mom plays plumber.

He also knows how to do his income tax all by himself without hiring an Accounting or whatever they're called.

And you should see him get the car started on cold mornings. He knows where to put the red wire and where to put the black one so the battery doesn't spit sparks.

Dad says that Grandpa is a Jack of All Trades. I don't know exactly what that means but I wish I was one. I really want to be one if it means a person who can put in fluorescent light bulbs without phoning an electrician like Grandma wants.

Anyway, Grandpa is the smartest person I know, though Dad's pretty close. Both say I can be just like them easy once I learn all the stuff in school and get a job and grow twenty or thirty years more. I can't wait!

By this time I was so amazed I pret'n'ear missed the warm dinner myself. And would you believe that right after the kids finished their soup and Jello they went back to that card table and to their stories? Here's the next ones they came up with.

Being Mature

Tina MacIntyre

I don't know if I'll ever be as mature as Grandpa. Or Grandma, Dad, or Mom, either. I mean, Grandpa looks like a patriarch or wise man or sage or something out of the Bible. I wonder if Grandpa was ever like me when he was a kid?

Did he ever scoot around in his chair at school or am I the only one who thinks they should never make them out of hard wood?

Did Grandpa ever have to scratch himself in the middle of a concert when everyone was watching or did he pretend and grit his teeth and justwishhe could scratch?

I wonder if in Grandpa's day when the kids had to go to the bathroom they had bigger bladders or knew how to hold it better?

And when he watched TV, I wonder if Grandpa sat for hours like he does today without switching a single channel? On the other hand, I don't think TV existed when he was a boy unless it was bowling or roller derby in black and white.

I don't know. Grandpa says his grandfather said he had ants in his pants and bees in his bonnet, but maybe that was because they went on a lot of picnics and lived on a farm way back then.

Anyway, I don't know if I'll ever be as mature as Grandpa or Grandma or Dad or Mom, either. It must take a lot of sitting to look like a patriarch or wise man or sage or something and I don't know if I'll ever be able to sit that long.

I tell you what, if you ever want to see what your grandkids are made of, just leave them alone with some writing paper and pencils! I remember something my Grandad told me way back when: The fruit doesn't fall far

from the tree. In this case it means that my boy --- and Sherry, too --- must be pretty good parents to produce the likes of Tommy and Tina. Here's the last one the boy did before supper (which he pret'n'ear missed too).

Work and Be Rich

Tommy MacIntyre

Last Summer I mowed lawns and got $25.

Last Fall I raked leaves and got $15.25.

This Winter I shoveled walks and got $22.50.

That makes $62.75 if I did my math right. Added to my fifty-cent a week allowance, that means I put $78.75 in the bank. I didn't spend a penny because I want to be as rich as Bill Gates who hasXbillions and Dad said the bank gives you money if you leave it there.

Aunt Penny asked me why I want to be rich and I told her so I'd always have enough money to fill the parking meter and never get a ticket.

And to buy everyone in the family a Christmas present even Bruno my dog and Santa Claus too without having to borrow from Uncle Ben.

If I were rich I'd buy my lunch instead of taking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even though I totally like them. It's just that half the time I sit or accidentally step on the brown bag and it gets awful squooshy.

Grandpa thinks I'd get spoiled if I was rich 'cause then I wouldn't mow lawns or rake leaves or shovel walks. But he's wrong, 'cause if I didn't do those I wouldn'tstayrich. I figured I'd have to keep working in order to put $78.75 in the bank every year. Then it wouldn't matter how many coins I put in the parking meter or presents I bought or lunches I got 'cause to be

rich all the time means I'd always have to be working.

And you can't get spoiled if you work all the time, can you?

I tell you, if you want to be downright proud of your grandkids --- and your own children too --- just give them a chance to be creative. I suspect they'll amaze you as much as mine did me.

As for fearing if I had enough for them to keep busy, those kids didn't want toquit. I pret'n'ear had to kick them out of the house when Bill and Sherry tried to take them home.

Now that the weekend's over I am happy to report that kids surearen'twhat they used to be. I think they're smarter. And more creative. And they don't mind sitting in a chair all day if they have something they like to keep them occupied. I don't know what the fuss is all about with parents today when it comes to fearing their kids won't turn out good and they can't be around them all the time because they drive them nuts. I'm just glad as berries I got to spend the weekend with Tommy and Tina and wish I could do it more often.