The Voluntary

Of the thousands of people who entered the Sugar Loaf Health Center, most were sent by their families. Once the heart-felt relatives realized their loved ones simply couldn't or wouldn't take care of themselves and were too much for them to handle there was only once choice.

Many Residents were Court Cases, people who had committed a crime and were sent to jail or a Health Center. These were often Compulsives addicted to alcohol, drugs or repeated sex offending. A true minority was the Voluntary, he who, though capable of living on his own, found life so demanding that he couldn't cope with it well. Most Voluntaries were so overwhelmed with everyday living that they folded. Darren Carpa was one of these.

Sensitive as a boy, he was the one always picked on because he wouldn't defend himself. The bullies took his lunch money. They stepped in front of him in the lunch line. They pushed him out of the front bus seats. As an adolescent, Darren tried to hold his own but by then everyone knew he was a wimp so they continued to belittle him. As a wage earner he always ended with the lowest job because he didn't assert himself. Even the much younger stock boys put him down. Darren knew he didn't have the backbone to live in the real world when he wouldn't answer the phone because he feared it would be someone calling to put him down. And so he entered Sugar Loaf Health Center, hope that here there would be no bullies.

But the Court Cases were shrewd people. They knew what they wanted and how to get it. These sharks could smell vulnerable prey the moment it entered the facility gates, so the first time Darren went to the pop machine he was surrounded. Staff was wise to these operators, so we kept a change box in the office and doled out only enough money for one candy bar or one soda at a time. Still, Darren found the attitudes of the Court Cases threatening as did many other Residents.

Anyone familiar with health centers, nursing homes, half-way houses, or any institution that deals with the disadvantaged, knows that the population changes frequently. So the Court Cases came and went, and each change brought a slightly different flavor to the facility. Some months we were invaded by alcoholics, another time by sex offenders, three months later we could be inundated by the near-violent. It seemed that the violators came in flocks of similar-feathered jail birds. Because of the changes, most of the time the long-term mentally retarded were in the majority so Darren was usually safe.

After six or seven months, when Darren felt secure, he opened up. I was an Assistant at the time so Claudia often gave me the Lesser Cases. Darren was no threat to anyone, so the Director felt safe in letting me deal with him. During one of our interviews, the man revealed a part no one would guess was the Real Darren. I think had things worked out differently in his childhood, he would have become a Veterinarian. It would have meant asserting himself intellectually at his studies, facing competition, dealing with stressed-out owners, but had he not been badgered so, he might have been able to handle it. I found that secretly he carried the desire to become an animal doctor for years. Now it was too late to pursue it, so the recluse did the best he could. He took care of every stray animal that migrated Sugar Loaf's way. Dogs and raccoons that

raided the food dumpster, cats and squirrels that took advantage of the many bird stations, even a wounded deer. Darren showed a caring heart for all the strays. If he had been able to overcome his barriers, I'm convinced he would have made a good Vet.

Because Darren favored all animals in need, he naturally fed the hungry cats, and this brought him in direct contact with one of the facility forces, T. Talbot. As we've seen, T. had assumed she was Sugar Loaf's Master Bird Keeper, and part of this job was shooing away the cats, squirrels and all other animals that threatened her domain. And since Darren fed the cats, he naturally came in contact with the old girl. Salty to the core, T.'s sharp tongue was a very effective weapon.

"Darn cats, cats, cats," the old lady repeated in her unique way. "Keep them away from my birdies, birdies, birdies, do you hear, hear, hear!" Once she got so mad she pretended to throw an empty food bag at a cat but we all know it was intended for Darren. While Darren sulked away from the tirade, he maintained his dignity by sneaking to the other side of the building and feeding his charges there. Since T. couldn't be everywhere at once, especially when she was controlling Juice Break. the mild man asserted himself without confrontation.

One of the highlights of Mr. Carpa's residence was taking care of a deer that had been wounded during hunting season. It was against facility policy to have pets, to take them into the building, or even make outdoor houses for them. But Gunshot was different. He was the only animal I know ever allowed to remain at Sugar Loaf. The Maintenance Man even made a fence for him. And though the Finance Administrator winced, the deer was even given a small budget for food and Vet care. For the first time in his life, Darren Carpa came to life. He was designated Official Deer Keeper and given responsibility, something he had always run from.

If you've ever seen a person come to life who's been conditioned to be a failure, to be depressed, to be a walking wallflower, then you know the beaming smile, the jaunty air and new walk, the feeling of joy that radiated from this metamorphosed being. Everyone saw the change and respected Darren's position. I have several entries in my Journal mentioning Mr. Capra's budding pride as his personality came into full bloom.

To add to his new confidence, Darren was allowed to work shoulder to shoulder with Dr. Polk. The Vet accepted him as an assistant, since the Resident had the perfect combination of gentle soul and loving touch. Gunshot, too, felt safe in the man's hands. The months that Darren Carpa spent taking care of the deer were the highlights of the man's life. All Sugar Loaf benefited from the animal's stay.

But Court Cases are Court Cases just as wolves are wolves and snakes are snakes. One night one of the Near-Violent decided to vent his frustrations by taking a mop handle into Gunshot's yard. The animal's instincts instantly piqued and he bolted through the gate before the deranged man could attack him. The animal knew his life was in danger so never returned.

Because of his loss, Darren Carpa went downhill. He retreated into himself once again. The recluse crept along the walls with his head lowered as he had when he first arrived. So hard did he take the absence of Gunshot that he quit feeding all the stray animals. A month after the tragic incident Staff thought Darren had a breakthrough when a skunk with a broken leg limped onto the grounds. But Mr. Carpa only turned his back on the animal. He refused to assert himself in fear that he would fail again.

While at Sugar Loaf, Mr. Carpa never recovered from the deer

incident. But a few months later two cousins asked him to live with their extended family. It seems that the relatives had many pets, so Darren accepted the invitation. In time, the sensitive man naturally took the animals under his wing: there were two cats, a hamster, an aquarium full of guppies, and a parakeet. It seems that after hearing about the deer, the cousins made sure their relative was always in the company of several animals lest he regress again. It is heartwarming to recall this case because so many of the other Residents couldn't escape the boundaries of their mental condition, yet in Darren's case, relatives came to the rescue and eased the burden.